Online dating is the only type of dating that makes any sense to an introvert like me. After all, I search for everything else I ever want online. Why would I approach a boyfriend any other way??? And luckily, it worked for me… eventually. I met the love of my life on Plenty of Fish (POF). It was just like ordering from Amazon – I entered what I was looking for, and within 24 hours they had delivered! My only regret is that he did not, in fact, arrive by drone.
But I suppose I better backtrack and admit that previous attempts at online dating were a bit more complicated than I may have led you to believe. First, I tried the more famous and traditional dating websites: Match and eHarmony. (My experience on OKCupid was a whole different story for another time. Can you say “catfishing”???) Confident in my ability to write a good profile and the fact that I am photogenic to the point of being borderline misleading, I had high hopes for both these sites. Unfortunately, I had a few strikes against me. First, and most importantly, I was a single mom. And kids (whether you already have them or want them someday) are one of those Dealbreaker Issues. (Any issue big enough to make or break the whole relationship.) Other Dealbreaker Issues can include Religion, Sexual Preference (duh), Criminal Record (his or yours), Location, and Financial Philosophy. More or less, depending on your relationship needs.
Another strike against me was my body type. I was no skinny girl, and although I am trying to eat healthy and get more exercise, if you’re not into curves, you’re not into me. And believe it or not, your intelligence can and will be used against you in the dating world. Some men are drawn to it, but others actually find it threatening. Those are the men you do NOT want to attract anyway.
The final flaw of my online dating profiles was that I clearly stated that I was looking to settle down. There was a time in my life when I could have looked for casual, just-for-fun dates, but once you become a mother that can and should come to an end. Now one of my main criteria was whether someone had the potential to be a good stepfather for my children. I was not about to parade a hundred men in and out of their lives while I spend years “just having fun.” We all know people (or are people) who have experienced that as children.
Although I have just labelled these items as “flaws” in my dating profile, I really saw them as “criteria.” Simply put, if a man wasn’t looking for these criteria in a woman, then he would be a waste of my time. And I’m nothing if not efficient! So I posted my profiles, and began the process of weeding out the “inappropriates.” When you have pretty pictures, you attract quantity, but NOT quality. As in the players. The younger single men who had no idea how to be fathers. The much older men who were looking for someone to take care of them. The sickos and psychos and losers.
I answered very few messages after reading their profiles. I gave my number out to only a small percentage of those (and was ready to block them as needed). I met in person (and in very public places) an even smaller percentage of those. Very few got a second date. I ended up dating someone I already knew, in a four-year relationship that resulted in my daughter and a tubal ligation, but not a marriage. When that finally officially ended, I found myself on the laptop again.
This time it was the day before Valentine’s Day, and I realized it would be the first Valentine’s that I had spent alone for as long as I could remember. Well, you know me – I’m the proactive type! If this was going to be the last Valentine’s I was to spend alone, I had better get started finding someone to spend it with. I expected I would set up a dating profile and take my time finding the right person again. I decided to skip Match and eHarmony, and try this Plenty of Fish site I’ve been hearing about. It was free, and I was good at filtering, so there was nothing to lose but my time.
Within 24 hours, on Valentine’s Day, I had a message from “Rick.” Along with many others. But his was one of the first. To be honest, his profile left a lot to be desired. His pictures weren’t exactly flattering, except for one that showed a killer smile. I told myself that it was time to be less shallow and consider what else men had to offer. But even the rest of the contents of his profile painted a non-standard picture. Instead of telling me much about himself and what he was looking for, Rick complained about the cheesiness of the site and all the questions it asked in your profile. I was worried this meant he was too sarcastic even for me, and worse, that he had something to hide. But his first message to me was different from most of the others I received. He was obviously intelligent. He talked about the parts of my profile that matched what he was looking for, so he had obviously read it. He was respectful. And as messages continued to flow between us, he remained patient and didn’t try to push me to meet right away.
After a weekend of messaging through the POF site, Rick asked me for a coffee date. Just a no-pressure and quick “see if you look like your pictures, if we have any chemistry, and if you smell good” kind of date. Five days after Valentine’s Day, I met him at a Starbucks near my office. I got there first, of course. (If I’m not early, I’m late!) Again, a few things that should have been strikes against him occurred: He was late. He obviously texts while driving. And he showed up in work clothes. Is he always late? Is he a safe driver? Am I not worth getting a little spruced up??? (As it turns out, he is often late, his driving terrifies me, and I am totally worth getting a little spruced up 🙂 )
But all those concerns melted completely away when Rick walked into that Starbucks, saw me, and beamed the best and brightest smile I had ever seen. It changed everything. His face (handsome!), my attitude, and it seemed like the whole world just lit up. I rose to greet him, and he enveloped me in the warmest bear hug. After an hour of conversation and coffee (decaf for me, hot apple cider for him), he asked me if we could turn “just coffee” into dinner. When I asked him, “Where to?” he pointed to the steak house across the parking lot and said, “On the last first date we’ll ever have.”
And it was.
We married almost four years later. <3
What has been your experience with online dating? Did you meet Mr. or Ms. Right (or Wrong)? Tell us all about it in the comments, or email us.
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