Why working with your child’s brain (not just their grades) is the real secret to thriving—especially during the holidays.
TL;DR: Forget the “genius genes” hype—science says executive function (EF) skills trump IQ when it comes to your kid’s long-term success. This post unpacks why, busts the biggest myths, and gives you real-life ways to help your child (and yourself!) thrive—especially when holiday chaos is in full swing.
This is part three of my Executive Function for Parents & Kids: Holiday Survival Series. Missed the earlier posts? Catch up here.
Inside this article:
The IQ Myth (and Why It’s Time to Let It Go)
Let’s get one thing clear: IQ scores might look shiny on paper, but they’re not the golden ticket to a happy, successful, or even organized life. Enter executive function—the real MVP of thriving families.
As John Medina, author of Brain Rules, famously put it:
“The single greatest predictor of academic success is executive function. It even trumps IQ.”
Translation? The ability to plan, focus, adapt, and manage emotions is what truly sets kids (and adults) up for success. Not just in school, but in life.
What Is Executive Function (EF), Really?
If you’ve been following along in this series, you know EF is your brain’s “command center”—it helps you (and your kids) juggle schedules, remember what matters, and bounce back when plans go sideways. It’s the difference between “I forgot my homework again” and “I made a checklist and remembered my science project and my lunch.”
EF includes things like:
- Working memory (keeping track of what’s next)
- Flexible thinking (pivoting when plans change)
- Self-control (not melting down when the cookies run out)
Why EF Beats IQ—Especially for Real Life
Here’s the kicker:
- IQ tests measure what you know.
- EF skills determine what you do with what you know.
A kid with sky-high IQ but wobbly executive function might ace a test but forget to turn in the assignment. Or freeze up when routines shift. Or struggle to manage big feelings when things get tough (hello, holiday meltdowns).
EF is the “how” behind the “what.” It’s what helps kids:
- Start (and finish!) tasks
- Manage time and distractions
- Handle frustration and setbacks
- Adapt to new situations (like, say, three different holiday parties in one week)
What Can Parents Actually Do?
The good news: EF skills are teachable and trainable—for every family, not just the “naturally organized.”
Here’s how you can help your kid flex those EF muscles:
- Model “thinking aloud”: Narrate your planning, decision-making, and even your mistakes (“Oops, I forgot the list—let’s make a new plan!”).
- Break big tasks into steps: Show your child how to tackle projects one bite at a time. (Example: When putting up the Christmas tree, share what steps you’ll use together to get the job done. “First, let’s bring all the Christmas stuff up from storage. Then, we’ll clear the spot where we want the tree to go.” Once that is done, share, “Good job, family! Our next steps are…”)
- Use visual supports: Calendars, checklists, color-coded reminders—your brain (and theirs) will thank you.
- Build in “reset” moments: When things go off the rails, pause and regroup together. Progress over perfection, always.
- Celebrate micro-wins: Did your kid remember their backpack once this week? That’s a win. High five and keep going.
Want to better understand your own executive function strengths (and how they shape your parenting)? Try my FREE Executive Function Self-Assessment.
Real Life, Real Systems
You don’t need to overhaul your entire routine (who has time?!). Instead, focus on tiny tweaks and real-life systems that fit your family—not someone else’s Pinterest board.
- Set up a “launch pad” by the door for school stuff (shoes, bags, keys).
- Make a morning checklist—laminated, dry-erase, or just a sticky note on the fridge.
- Keep routines simple and flexible. If it works for your family, it’s the right system.
Coming Up Next: Consistency with Ease
Ready to make those EF-friendly habits stick (without turning into the routine police)?
Next up: “Tiny Holiday Routines That Keep Your Family Sane.” We’ll talk about micro-habits, gentle resets, and celebrating progress—so you can keep your cool all season long.
Wrapping Up
What’s Your Kid’s EF Superpower?
Did your child remember their backpack, use a checklist, or bounce back from a meltdown this week? Share your story in the comments or reply to this post—I’d love to feature your family’s win in our next newsletter!
Ready to become your family’s EF champion? Join the waitlist for my upcoming book, Executive Function Unlocked: The Get Your Sh*t Together Playbook—packed with real-life strategies for adults and kids alike.
Psst… The EF Guide for Parents – Holiday Edition is coming soon! Stay tuned for plug-and-play checklists and templates to make life easier for the whole family.
This post lives inside my Authentic Productivity pillar—debunking myths, working with your brain (not against it), and building systems that fit real, messy, beautiful life. Alongside Clarity in Action, Consistency with Ease, and more, Productive AF is here to help you and your family thrive—one small win at a time.
Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss any future posts or resources!
Leave a Reply